Live!

There is nothing beneficial about waiting for something that is not certain. We have to learn to accept that something - no matter how much we desire - will never be ours. Sometimes the only way forward is to let go.

Let go of your hope. Let go of the past and let something new enter your life.

You will be fine. You deserve happiness. A real one.

Lifeless

Everyday, I feel like my life is becoming empty. I feel like I'm getting lost and astray more than I ever was. This state of being is driving me insane.

I need help.

Gone.

Why is it so difficult for you to appreciate everything I've done? Why is there always flaws in my action? Sometimes I wonder what is it that you truly want from me. Most of the time I spend hating you in my heart. And eventually, you are no longer in my heart.

When the time comes, I might as well kill you in my heart.

Alive, but barely.

It took so long to reach here. It took me eight months to revisit this place. Guess I was just out of idea, like I always do.

Many things are so last year. But today, it is a new day.

Although 12 days has passed, the year is still new.

My writing is rusty. I don't even know how to write anymore. But doesn't mean I'm giving up just yet.

This is the first post for this year. An introductory. The next one may be in a few hours, or a few days. If not, maybe in a few weeks. Alas, who knows? Nobody knows. Maybe we'll see each other again in next few months.

Regards,

From my own me.

And It Took Too Long

One time you may have been astray
One time you may have been lost
One time you may not know what is this life about anymore

You do not know
What is with everything
Or what is with you
Or what is with everyone around you

Are you just that innocent
Or are you just so ignorant
And it took you long enough

And it took too long

--from me to you

Chances

Some people never change. No matter how many chances you'd given them. Sometimes they might seem okay, but at times they are returning to their old selves. In front of people they seem great, but behind people they become goats.

Lies.

My Heart Flutters In the Wind

There are things that flutter my heart. Most of my friends about my age are already looking for jobs after graduating their degrees. But to me, the journey is still very far in this temporary world. Seeing some of my friends achieving their dreams spark jealousy in me. After all these years, I finally found the dream of my heart. Really.

I can't say much about it yet. But I won't mind going through more years to finally fulfill my dream. Time is relative. It feels long only when you choose to feel it that way. And I choose to wait and work for it.

What is the meaning of life if you don't get to do things your heart desires most?

All is well. Pray the best for me. And all the best for you.

Before The Battle

Sometimes it felt so strange how could all this happen. Sometimes you might feel that the point you are at in life now, is not really the point where everything looks up to you. Sometimes you might just feel lost and had the feeling of coming back to the past. Sometimes you might have the feeling like the world never really was on your side. Not even once.

And sometimes you felt this rage coming from inside of you.You didn't know where did it come from. And where it even goes. It could be so overwhelming that you'd lost before the battle. And sometimes you were just so stretched you can't feel where your feet were stepping on.

And sometimes, you just give in.

Uncertain

Sometimes there are times when things become uncertain,
And that is the time for us to make the decision,

All these days, I've lost my words,

And I'm thinking to remove this 'place'

However, uncertain.

What Did You Do?

What did you do?

When today you cannot find happiness
When today your heart trembles in the dark
Like a blind man searching for light

What did you do?
When no more good ever come to you
Like it ever does come out of you

What did you do?

When you wronged so many times,
from once to forevermore
Hath you said you'd repent
but only echoed until your Return.

What did you do?
When angels gave so many chances
When you'd still have your book clean,
and scent it shall never forget
But you spilled it with blood
in Fire it was set ablaze.

What did you do?

Until heavens forth before you
And shall you wanting to return
But nevermore it can be undone
Eternal, you will only rest in Pain

What do you do?

Redeeming The Past

Giving advice is easy, to follow advice is also not that difficult. But the most difficult one is how to follow your own advice?

Have you ever give yourself an advice? How far do you take it? Did you really advised yourself for your own good? Or you're just doing it for the sake of: "Oh, this advice was meant for me." so that people can't redirect your words?

We often see people and pick the most righteous advice we thought suitable for them, but do we do the same thing for us?

Are we not the one who needed that advice?

The past is not the one shaping you, but your actions today.

-from me to me

The Man Who Gave Up On Everything

Once upon a time, there was a man who lived at the end of the street with his cats. His name is Tim. He lived alone for ten years ever since his parents died when he was only 7 months old. Back then, he lived with his uncle until he decided to move out at the age of 20 to find something he sought for years; inner peace. 

He has been growing crops. He didn't have everything, but everything was enough for him. He eats from what his hands had planted, from what his crops had produced. He sleeps with his cats. Sometimes he feeds his cats with his hand, hugged them and cared for them like nothing else matters. As if he has already found the diamonds of his hearts. He found his inner peace. This, is his inner peace. He thought he lived happily. But not for long.

One evening, he went into the forest to get his things as he always does. Then he stumbled upon an injured baby bear with blood and wounds around its neck. And so he made his decision to bring home that bear to take care of it since it was alone for quite sometimes in the forest.

Later, that baby bear cried forever in the middle of the night. And to his surprise, the mother of that poor baby bear came. She broke his door with her mighty force and attacked Tim. Tim's cats rushed to protect him but all of them died in the great battle. He lost them all in a blink of an eye. In the aftermath, the mother bear took her baby and went out of his house and tried to run back into the forest. 

Tim broke his left leg and he has a lot of bear bites around his body. He knew he has nothing left for him. Everything was ruined. Fueled with rage and anger, Tim took his gun and went after the bears with his broken leg. His blood trailed along his way.

He saw the bears not far from him. It took him a moment. He took a deep breath. Probably the last one. Tear drops from his eyes. BAM! The bears fell down. The bullet went through its heart. It screamed in pain. And eventually gone in the middle of the night.

Tim's rage fades slowly. His body fell down. He has no more energy left. Blood keeps coming out of his wounds. And he knew his time has arrived. The night ended with the moon witnessing his last breath. Was it courage or was it hatred?

This is the tale of Tim; the man who sought inner peace gave up on everything.

Darkshine

Chapter 1

Battle of Dolosus

"You might have everyone else backing you up! But what you did will come back haunting you!"

"Oh please. Say whatever you wish. I already won this battle."

"No you don't. You are just sickening me. I don't even bother fighting you."

Furious with Angela's word, Robin quickly grab his diamond sword and swung it to Angela's head. But Angela was so much faster than Robin. He didn't even see she has already stood behind him. The only thing that is in Robin's mind was: "What the heck? How could she move so fast?" He could only see wind and dead leaves howling slow off the ground as she moved through the thin air and suddenly appeared behind him.

Angela holds her hands behind her and her body leaned forward close to Robin's left ear. "Don't make me do this!" She is basically hasn't done anything. Battle is not something she favors. But she doesn't like to be challenged too. People don't know how far she could go. Her potential hasn't been tapped by anyone, or anything. She's the one that doesn't let her talent and skills shine. Not just yet.

Robin punched Angela in her face. Quite a few times. He didn't hold it back. He felt so powerful getting her like that. Felt like his power flow throughout his body and such energy, so eternal. That time, Angela didn't dodge. She didn't take the chance. Her body fell a few meters away from Robin and her face kissed the ground. It didn't hurt her, but she was somehow overwhelmed.

Robin. He might have a good personality thus people like and admire him but he is a traitor. When his master chose Angela but not him, he poisoned him in his food. So much for power and fame. He stole his master's diamond sword and intend to use it to free up his friends whom was once caught by Jing Koh and imprisoned in a place only the four masters know. Perhaps he thought by freeing his friends he might get more support and power to achieve his dream on immortality.

"Your dirty secrets may not known to many, but your intentions are pure evil. Stop before you regret it, Robin!" Angela took her head up slowly. She looked at Robin's eyes. That look was something. It wasn't hatred and it wasn't anger - it was more like sympathy. Angela is having sympathy for Robin. 

"Shut up!" Robin shouted and ran towards Angela. He wants to put the sword into her heart. He is showing no mercy. Anger and rage filled his entire blood.

"I said stop!" Angela stood up in a second and swung both of her hands towards Robin and a black shield appeared between them. It was so dark that nothing can be seen through it. Not even light. Robin ran so fast he hit the shield and was reflected away. His sword flew in the air for a few seconds and half of it fell directly into the ground. Robin was critically wounded. His right arm is bleeding.

Angela took the sword and levitates towards Robin. "This is nothing you deserve!" She throw the sword into the sky and it disappeared, engulfed in black shield, just like the one Angela created earlier. Just that this time, it is created high up in the sky. She looked directly into Robin's eyes: "Give up while you still can!" She turned her back and walked away - leaving Robin with his injured arm behind.

Robin might have learnt from the master many things but he is impatient. He is greedy and selfish. He whispered to himself:

"Never!"

Misguided

There are events that happened in our life that we do not like. But Allah did not create those events without us getting anything from it. Perhaps sometimes we thought we only get sufferings from it but believe me, there will always be something that we can learn. Something that we'll only get after it had long passed, after we had sit down and find our own selves.

Often, we are not lost, we are just misguided.

A Bad Start of The Day 郁闷

Have you ever had a bad start of your day?

Like, sometimes there is something suddenly missing. Gone. Either it's a thing what you did, or things that you didn't do. And this bad start, is consuming your whole day. Like you can't really do good things the whole day. You're like losing it in every direction. You're as good as dead.

There are times when we feel down. And there are also times when we feel elevated. These feelings are sometimes uninvited. Sometimes we didn't ask for it, sometimes we never realized it existed. As the day passes by, we only wake up in the middle of I-don't-know-the-specific-word-to-describe-this-feeling. One thing for sure, it is not a good one. And when this moment hit me, I can't really meet people. I have the tendency to get super annoyed with people. Even the slightest things they do, it might make get angry. I know the problem is me. People say I have a naturally serious and angry face. I can't really help it. Sometimes my facial emotions are real.

Though some advised me to smile regularly, I can''t. I know that smiling is good. I tried everytime. But it's tiring. I have to force my facial muscles to move and carve a fake smile on my face.

I know these kind of situations are sometimes uncontrolled. Because we aren't really the one controlling our lives. Something more Divine does this for us. Because, actually we are only living in the palm of His hand. We have always been taught to ask from Him. Ask Him. Beg Him. But how can we ask when we are too busy with worldly distractions?

How can we bow to Him when we are so high up in the sky?

Finding true peace is difficult.

Choice 选择

What ever comes in our way, what ever battles we have reached inside ourselves, we always have a choice.

My friend Harry thaught me that. He chose to be the best of himself.

It's the choice that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right.

-Peter Parker in Spiderman 3

Regrets 遗憾

Don't say when you don't mean mean it

Sometime what we say, has no real intentions

Perhaps a slip of the tongue, we say

And we thought it might be okay

Not much of a deal.

But have we forgotten?

Things are not the same

Different people have different personalities,

different liking and different perceptions.

We should thinks thoroughly before making any decision

It might give us temporary happiness

But remember,  it'll crawl on our back in the dark

And there will be no more shining light.

And regrets are only what's left.

I'm Sorry 遗憾

I'm sorry
Just, let me say this

I can't help it all the time
I tried
I think I tried
But maybe it's not enough
It never is

Sometimes I wonder
How long?
How much longer this needs to be?
I just,
don't know.

How I wish I could bring back what's been lost
But I couldn't
Though I know that
I need to fight for it
I must.

If what I had lost
is not returning
Then it is time,
to start anew.

No matter how many times it takes
No matter how many lives to live

I will never,
give up.

The Good Souls 心灵

"There are evil in this world, and I cannot protect you from it." (Maleficent)

The worlds we live in today, are so vulnerable to many evils. The world has changed. As we can see, it's changing definitely not better, but the other way around. Humans are getting more and more detached towards nature, towards each other, towards the Creator.

Selfishness and greediness are natural human behavior but today, we have witness it go beyond. As the world change, we too need to feel the urge to change. If not, we'll become stagnant, dirty and unkempt. Humans are destroying everything.

We live in a world today where it's easy to do ma'siat. Walk the earth and mankind are committing sins everywhere. We are committing sins everywhere, every time, every single moment!

We need to have stronger hearts. Hearts that can protect ourselves from this madness. Our heart is the most valuable item in this world because it guards the soul from what it cannot content. In the end, it is not our wealth that we bring back, not what we loved in this world, not any of these, but our hearts.

If it is unkempt, how are we going to present it to God?

Are we gonna pass?

To Have You 您

There are reasons for every thing that happened. Sometimes, we felt that what we want is what we never get. But we forgot that what we want isn't always what we need. We often look down searching for the past but neglect what's ahead of us. Put your head up.

What's in the past will always be in the past. Time is irreversible. Live the future. Who knows, what's in the future are kept safe for us just until we open our eyes wide and see. Things might just be better. Things will be better.

Yes, though it will never feel the same, bring back the past. Repeat history. Things will definitely work out well. Because there are people, waiting in the future, who are meant for us. Who are meant to be by our side. Who could just mean the world for us. They could just be the reasons for a brighter day.

And just until we realize, one day we will surely be thankful to these people, saying how I am grateful,

to have you.