Multitasking? Of course not me!

I can't do multitasking. Seriously.

Some people say women are better at multitasking things
So that eventually means men are un-better-less-ness-awfully-the-hell-is-this not as good as women
Perhaps, that could be true

When I listen, I could only listen
For instance I cannot write well when listening
I can write, it's just that it will have zero chance that it'll pass trough my heart

Okay just forget it.

Is There Still Hope?

I was blind before
All I see was darkness
After all this while
I thought I've seen the light

I tried walking into it
But endless far I have been
I was lost in a place so bright
Though you have put me back where I begin
I end up stuck myself in between

Is there still hope?
For a person like me
As much as I keep fighting it in
It end up emerging free from within

Is there still hope for me
I have gone far, far too long
When I thought I might have win
But never even once, I did not give in

The courage inside me shall never die
So long as there's sun and sky
Although sometimes I'm sad and I cry
I'm never gonna put it out of try

So you can see me cry and sober
But never again I'm becoming a loser
I don't need a person to keep my strength
For him alone, I walk on length

And him alone, to light my hope
And him, I have everything.

Marriage (Jodoh bahasa Inggeris apa eh?)

I may have not loved anyone, but I always love blueberry cheese tart.

I have never been in love with anyone. I never knew what does coupling feels like. Erk. You know what I'm sayin'?

Eversince I lived, even during my dark ages(?), I have never, ever, not even once, experienced these couple-boy-girl-immatured-love thingy. Do you trust me? Well, you should! Why? Because I don't tell lies. Sometimes (during my dark ages, heh), I wonder why. Why haven't I get the opportunity to ever experience such moments. Sometimes I got worried, could it be that no one would want to be, erk, my girlfriend? Could it be that no one looks up to me? But this doesn't mean that during my dark ages, I allowed such immoral and unshameful acts and behaviors, such as holding hands, touching here, touching there, what?

But, it would be a lie if I say I never had feelings to anyone, I did (and sometimes I do). Maybe it's just that I didn't know how to express it, or I might be too shy.

There was once, I admired my form 5 senior when I was in form 3, she was a prefect (read carefully), and I too was. So, yeah! Guess what? Nothing happened! Heh. Well, actually we can't always control our feelings such as that, am I right? We tend to admire/like anything that brings fondness to our heart. And what matters most is how we react towards that situation. Do we let ourselves being controlled by desire, or we control our desire?

Keep your answer.

And now, I strongly believe, everything that happened was for a reason, or reasons. Heh. After all, He saves the best for the last right? Now that I've walked into the Light (still walking), I see there's a huge lesson to be learnt. Everything that happened, or did not happen, were meant to protect me (cewah perasan).

I've heard somewhere, an ustazah said:

"Orang yang pernah bercinta sebelum berkahwin, tidak layak untuk orang yang belum pernah bercinta. Kerana percintaan selepas kahwin itu jauh sangat berbeza dengan sebelum kahwin. Percintaan sebelum perkahwinan, apa yang kita dapat hanya lakonannya. Sedangkan perkahwinan itu hakikatnya tidak sentiasa manis.  

Bayangkan seorang wanita/lelaki yang bercinta sebelum berkahwin, cintanya begitu murah diberikan kepada entah siapa-siapa, lalu adilkah untuk cinta yang pernah dirasai oleh siapa-siapa itu untuk diberi kepada orang yang cinta pertamanya khusus untuk isteri/suaminya?"

Erk. I may have changed the actual sentence about 90% because I can't remember it well. But it was something like that, lah. I'm not saying that it's wrong to marry a person who had experienced monkey love, elephant love or even cicak kubing love. Islam doesn't even state that. But why can't we save something special, for someone very special? Yeah?

Okay, this, actually to give strength and motivation to those who never experienced monkey love. Hah. But if you're not ashamed, do as you pleased.

Now,

Many of my brothers are stepping one stair ahead; they are getting married. Of course I am jealous. But, seriously, it's not the time for me yet. I will wait, and let the Owner of time decides. Ohoi.

I once said to my mother: "Ibu, ibu carikanlah abang mana-mana calon yang sesuai. Abang terima je." Erk.

Make Me Strong (All These Things Around Me)

Hope that one day I will be okay

I know I’m waiting
Waiting for something
Something to happen to me
But this waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Nothing in life is free
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day I’ll be ok
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
Help me find my way

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

I know I’m waiting
Yearning for something
Something known only to me
This waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Life is one mystery
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day you’ll forgive me
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
I beg for your mercy

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

These are the lyrics of Sami Yusuf - Make Me Strong. Someone I don't know shared me the song. Mashaallah! Subhanallah beautiful words!

May Allah bless her. I mean, him, or her! Jzkk!

You Know It Yourself

There's still hope

There are things that you know, things that others know, things that you know but others don’t, things that others know but you don’t.

Also, there are things that everyone knows and things that none of us know.

And you know it yourself, when you feel high or when you feel down. I mean in term of taqwa. Yes! We all know it!

It’s common sense, but not for all. Know that when you feel how high up or how down low your taqwa is, that means the least you have is as thin as onion shell, taqwa!

Sometimes, too long the heart hardens. But do not give up just yet! So long as there’s time, there’s hope! Hard things they are bendable, really!

I have been away. For weeks. Far from home. So my momentum is quite altered. And I need to find it back. So I could keep my pace.

Pray for me! And our brothers and sisters.