Marriage (Jodoh bahasa Inggeris apa eh?)

I may have not loved anyone, but I always love blueberry cheese tart.

I have never been in love with anyone. I never knew what does coupling feels like. Erk. You know what I'm sayin'?

Eversince I lived, even during my dark ages(?), I have never, ever, not even once, experienced these couple-boy-girl-immatured-love thingy. Do you trust me? Well, you should! Why? Because I don't tell lies. Sometimes (during my dark ages, heh), I wonder why. Why haven't I get the opportunity to ever experience such moments. Sometimes I got worried, could it be that no one would want to be, erk, my girlfriend? Could it be that no one looks up to me? But this doesn't mean that during my dark ages, I allowed such immoral and unshameful acts and behaviors, such as holding hands, touching here, touching there, what?

But, it would be a lie if I say I never had feelings to anyone, I did (and sometimes I do). Maybe it's just that I didn't know how to express it, or I might be too shy.

There was once, I admired my form 5 senior when I was in form 3, she was a prefect (read carefully), and I too was. So, yeah! Guess what? Nothing happened! Heh. Well, actually we can't always control our feelings such as that, am I right? We tend to admire/like anything that brings fondness to our heart. And what matters most is how we react towards that situation. Do we let ourselves being controlled by desire, or we control our desire?

Keep your answer.

And now, I strongly believe, everything that happened was for a reason, or reasons. Heh. After all, He saves the best for the last right? Now that I've walked into the Light (still walking), I see there's a huge lesson to be learnt. Everything that happened, or did not happen, were meant to protect me (cewah perasan).

I've heard somewhere, an ustazah said:

"Orang yang pernah bercinta sebelum berkahwin, tidak layak untuk orang yang belum pernah bercinta. Kerana percintaan selepas kahwin itu jauh sangat berbeza dengan sebelum kahwin. Percintaan sebelum perkahwinan, apa yang kita dapat hanya lakonannya. Sedangkan perkahwinan itu hakikatnya tidak sentiasa manis.  

Bayangkan seorang wanita/lelaki yang bercinta sebelum berkahwin, cintanya begitu murah diberikan kepada entah siapa-siapa, lalu adilkah untuk cinta yang pernah dirasai oleh siapa-siapa itu untuk diberi kepada orang yang cinta pertamanya khusus untuk isteri/suaminya?"

Erk. I may have changed the actual sentence about 90% because I can't remember it well. But it was something like that, lah. I'm not saying that it's wrong to marry a person who had experienced monkey love, elephant love or even cicak kubing love. Islam doesn't even state that. But why can't we save something special, for someone very special? Yeah?

Okay, this, actually to give strength and motivation to those who never experienced monkey love. Hah. But if you're not ashamed, do as you pleased.

Now,

Many of my brothers are stepping one stair ahead; they are getting married. Of course I am jealous. But, seriously, it's not the time for me yet. I will wait, and let the Owner of time decides. Ohoi.

I once said to my mother: "Ibu, ibu carikanlah abang mana-mana calon yang sesuai. Abang terima je." Erk.