I'm Sorry 遗憾

I'm sorry
Just, let me say this

I can't help it all the time
I tried
I think I tried
But maybe it's not enough
It never is

Sometimes I wonder
How long?
How much longer this needs to be?
I just,
don't know.

How I wish I could bring back what's been lost
But I couldn't
Though I know that
I need to fight for it
I must.

If what I had lost
is not returning
Then it is time,
to start anew.

No matter how many times it takes
No matter how many lives to live

I will never,
give up.

The Good Souls 心灵

"There are evil in this world, and I cannot protect you from it." (Maleficent)

The worlds we live in today, are so vulnerable to many evils. The world has changed. As we can see, it's changing definitely not better, but the other way around. Humans are getting more and more detached towards nature, towards each other, towards the Creator.

Selfishness and greediness are natural human behavior but today, we have witness it go beyond. As the world change, we too need to feel the urge to change. If not, we'll become stagnant, dirty and unkempt. Humans are destroying everything.

We live in a world today where it's easy to do ma'siat. Walk the earth and mankind are committing sins everywhere. We are committing sins everywhere, every time, every single moment!

We need to have stronger hearts. Hearts that can protect ourselves from this madness. Our heart is the most valuable item in this world because it guards the soul from what it cannot content. In the end, it is not our wealth that we bring back, not what we loved in this world, not any of these, but our hearts.

If it is unkempt, how are we going to present it to God?

Are we gonna pass?

To Have You 您

There are reasons for every thing that happened. Sometimes, we felt that what we want is what we never get. But we forgot that what we want isn't always what we need. We often look down searching for the past but neglect what's ahead of us. Put your head up.

What's in the past will always be in the past. Time is irreversible. Live the future. Who knows, what's in the future are kept safe for us just until we open our eyes wide and see. Things might just be better. Things will be better.

Yes, though it will never feel the same, bring back the past. Repeat history. Things will definitely work out well. Because there are people, waiting in the future, who are meant for us. Who are meant to be by our side. Who could just mean the world for us. They could just be the reasons for a brighter day.

And just until we realize, one day we will surely be thankful to these people, saying how I am grateful,

to have you.

Alive 活

When you sin, and it removes the calmness of the heart, it is the sign that you still have a living heart. It is okay because only then you will realize that your heart needs something it has been missing all along.

Some people find peace through worldly matters. When they eat what they have been craving. When they meet people they miss so much. When they do things they favor.

But some people will only find peace when they cry over the past. When they recalled how much sins they have committed, how arrogance they were and how far they have astray. And every time they thought about that, only the words of God that soothes them.

Because it cleanse the heart through tears like rain washing the road from dust and mud.  Know that, with every drop of tears that falls, so does dark patches of the heart.

May Allah make us remain steadfast on the right track and prevent us from being deceived by what may look right however instead.

仍然活着

If I Stay 留

If i stay, would things get better?

Or the other way around?

Humans have desires

We want this we want that

We want everything that others have

But have we ever think about that?

Really?

We wont always get what we want. Because things arent always meant for us.

We often blame others, we blame the people around us, we blame the surrounding.

Never, not even once, we say, it's us!

Maybe its our fault.

Look back inside us, are we truly deserving?

There are so many people out there, who deserves more than us.

But since we always get everything we want,

we became overboard.

When people started to trust with all their heart, we are the one breaking it.

Why have we become so selfish, and arrogant and greedy?

So let me ask the question again,

If I stay, would things get better?

This Day 生日

A person once said:

“A special day for you and so may Allah shower His blessings on you with happiness, make things easy for you, relieve your worry and distress & make you steadfast in adhering to the straight path.”

To anonymous, though it hurts wondering who you are, your wish did made my day better. I hope God will ease you in everything you do and may God be pleased with you.

Thank you, anonymous.

Cats 猫

"When I have a cat, I will grow him into a lion."

There was one night, it was just a normal night as usual. My friends and I ordered our meal for our dinner. We talked, we joked around and pretty much the normal life we always live.

When our meals were served, we began eating. I ordered 'village fried rice' lol - nasi goreng kampung. The meal was okay, it had some vegetables and chicken slices in it.

Then, suddenly there was this one cat who came to me and looked at me with that adorable looks cats always make. I thought it was hungry, so I gave it the chicken slices I got in my meal. Since the chicken was not much, I didn't eat any slice of it - but I gave it all to the cat. Although I was quite upset for not having any chance to get the chicken slices, I thought the cat needed it more than me - I can still eat the rice and 'kangkung'.

I always believe that if we do good to anyone, or anything, we may get something better in return, even if we're not getting it in this world. So later that night something happened.

After finishing my meal, I went back home (my hostel), and surprisingly, there was something on my table. Somebody gave me two pieces of KFC and some other person gave me a cup of Coolblog beverage. It was tear-jerking - though I didn't literally burst into tears.

I knew what I did to the cat was returned back to me. Confirmed.

In this life, there is rule. No matter how brilliant we human may create rules bound to ourselves, there is always the Divine rule that no man can counter. What we did, even the slightest of things, is recorded, and will be payed back. Good or bad, now or later, that time will come, just wait for it. No life on earth is made so that it is left in vain. It all will come to one end. It chooses.

Do you know that animals understand us? They just choose to ignore us all the time. When I'm around with cats, I always ask them to pray for me. I talk to them. Trust me, you should try too.

Who knows what will happen.

Jemah Pajero 朋友 - Part 3: Characters, Epilogue

Click here if you have not seen part 2: The Characters

那些角色

THE CHARACTERS OF THE LOST DONGU
PART 3

THE LAST SINGER
Every time song is playing, he can sing it all. He said he didn’t memorize these songs but I think he lied (maybe he was saying the truth). He even remembered the song I played that he never heard of. He was quite timid (to me) but later in the semester, he showed his true color and he made (not so) funny jokes. Huh

THE VEXATIOUS
This guy sometimes I want to slap him on the face but after I remembered I always use his cotton bud and took three of his coffees, I think I should postpone my intention (maybe until next semester). I don’t know why he’s watching ancient anime - Yuyuhakusho. And he tried so hard speaking nogori sombilan. Okay now I feel like slapping him with a chair.

THE INSIDIOUS
This girl now, I don’t know why she loves mamak so much she always hang out at mamak’s and she has a village in Langkawi. And a village in Bukit Tinggi. Oh and she plays guitar. Lalala

THE NETWORKING
This guy, he can’t sleep with the lights off. I don’t know why but maybe he just dislike (or afraid of?) darkness. But he has a lot, I mean, hundreds of movies. We call him Mr. Downloading (I just made that).

THE LEKOR
This boy, or man is quite mature I think but, he plays facebook games and curse in Terengganu when the odds are not ever in his favor. And he at significant times changes his facebook profile photo (selfie to another selfie).

THE MEMORY
Okay now this uncle, or this grandfather puts his things everywhere and then he said it’s lost while it’s just misplaced. I mean come on he has two beds, two chairs, two tables but he sleeps in another room (greedy). WTF? And you don’t mess with him or he’ll freeze you with Elsa’s magical power – let it go. I mean, "be the good boy you always have to be". Oh you know him - Disney Prince. Lol

THE SUGUS OF WONDERLAND
A she, her favourite lines are “I know right?”. I still remember that night when we were all decorating cupcakes and when it’s done, everyone just left the mess and she mumbled saying this and that. So she was the one cleaning it all (with some other people). Anyway, thank you so much for that.

THE PACIFICATION
This one I don’t know how to describe but she’s one year older than everyone but I am still the eldest. Heh. And she’s terengganuwiy. Oh I remember, she's a Kpopers too. Sigh.

THE DAISY
Phew! I think this she is pretty wise I saw how she handled things during our dinner. She is anyway one of the strongest jemahs you know? You should hear the way she speaks. And her current favourite is "She's an Extraordinary Wife".

THE STRONGHOLD
At first sight she seemed very quiet (she did her own things) but later it was revealed that this girl loves to take selfies too, and sometimes she does make mild jokes (lawak hahahambar). I would laugh out of pity. She's however quite passive in class, I think?

THE BUTTERCUP
Okay. Next one, she calls herself 'kite' (not that flying paper tied with string) and she has a very strong terengganuwiy dialect and she’s known as "ustazah pilihan" by her lab mates, and me.

THE LIONESS
Although she is quite small but she’s the strongest of all. And she collects money. And do you know the movie (fill in the blank) "______ and the Chocolate Factory" ?

THE WAITING
This next girl is also small but she eats a lot she keeps asking me to bring her cakes - moist chocolate cake. Oh she's in a long distance relationship what do you expect.

THE SUBSTANTIAL
A sober. I don’t know how could she left us when we needed her. Okay just kidding. She’s at first the eldest of all but since she was gone, I took the throne - because I am the rightful heir. What? And beware, she sees (like watching movies) that face smirking outside of your window so you might want to spread the curtain and close the window.

THE TOURIST
At first sight, she spoke in English, and everyone thought she’s “something”. Well, she’s fine. However, she didn’t attend the dinner because she was having vacation, with her family. Oh how could she? Ottoke

THE GREAT SAKA
And finally, this woman, she has the strongest voice of all. I mean like even birds will stop tweeting when she speaks. And probably the fiercest one too. Anyway I feel that her voice rocks. Bob Marley? Don't forget the has that sharp stare that will kill the soul in you.

EPILOGUE

Now these may be the characters of my classmates that I noticed (or I can remember). Not that these differences matters, but these are what makes family stronger, because we are One Big Family.

I think, I am so blessed to have these people existing at this point of my life although they might not feel the same way, because I always believe everything happen for a reason. And we are the reason for this.

I know sometimes (or most of the times) I act crazy and annoyed these people but trust me, i have never acted that way except when I’m at home. I mean my real home. And these people make me feel at home.

Things would have never been better. And thing are best the way they are.

Whatever happened, I am glad it happened.

Oh wait, looks like there is one more character left. Oh it's me.



THE GREAT AVATAR
Water, earth, fire and air. His powers are so great and only he, can bring balance to the world. I will write a special entry for me, oh I mean The Great Avatar. Muahahahaha

最后

the end

The entries were written in 2014 with some minor editing in 2015.
All characters written are based on the writer's opinion and may subject to change in time.

Jemah Pajero 朋友 - Part 2: The Characters

Click here if you have not seen part 1: The Prologue


THE BEGINNING

Being for about five months with these pajeros I might not know really well who they are, but close enough these are the people that filled my days with happiness, even without them knowing it. Here, I want to tell you a story about them, how these people marked themselves by their characters and sometimes it's just, oh man I don't know what to say. Nevertheless, I appreciate them as who they are even I am just nobody, for me, maybe that’s enough.

那些角色

THE CHARACTERS OF THE LOST DONGU

THE NINIGUY

There is a what-do-you-expect guy who eats egg (he buy trays of eggs) and probably he's the descendant of Naruto (because he's a, Ninjutsuian?). Well I should say none shall mess with him because he will annoy you even without intending so. A pure talent huh?

THE KOREAN DAYLIGHT
Then there is this woman who's so scared of losing the sun she keeps wishing it would never disappears… on facebook, and Instagram. Oh and I heard she loves erk, Korean too? And lately she went to eat asam pedas in Malacca?

THE DERAMAN'S GIRL
Next there is this girl who seldomly talk and, I don’t really remember when did she talked to me. Oh maybe she’s just too shy. You know sometimes shyness is good.

THE DAYDREAM
Whilst, there is another woman who loves to laugh I think she could laugh on everything. Oh and, here it is, she wrote a very inspiring poetry on her Instagram even when it has nothing to do with the photo. I mean, she could post her selfie yet talking about the rain. And beware, her captions are mostly long she could possibly publish a book.

THE UNSERIOUS
Now there is this guy who has trouble in believing facts 'cause he keeps asking whether that thing, is serious or not. Like “serious?” “serious?” “serious?” and repeat step one until three. Oh but we are thankful we have him because he loves to call for prayer. Hmmm

THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
Now this girl, she said she’s not that tired or sleepy, but she falls asleep very easily. Dangerous! And she took a lot of selfies using her friend’s phone. What do you expect? And she could sometimes be, blurry?

THE SPORTS GIRL
Meanwhile, this one woman I don’t know what is her problem but I think she’s cursed, by banana. She can’t live without banana she could even marry a mamak (who plants banana tree) that can make roti canai banana. I wonder.

THE CURSING
This guy, he eats instant noodles using a “gayung/cebok” and he eats chilies like eating candy. Oh and he curse a lot. But I’m used to it, even though sometimes I feel like smacking him on the face (with chili powder). But I wouldn’t do that. Oh my.

THE LOST GOODBYE
Well, another she, she traveled to two places in a week. Who do you think? Anyway, when I see her I always have that “datin-datin” feeling. Do you know where is The High Hill? (Bukit Tinggi). And now she's gone. She left us in the dark searching for light.

THE EXORCISM
Oh my there are many shes in my class. This she, she might be scary and she keeps threatening to punch everyone and she has a very loud voice, but she is nice (and still scary). Oh? She can sense that ‘thing’ smirking behind you. No wonder she’s scary.

THE UNMOVABLE
This girl, one night she was so tense with everything she felt like leaving this jemah group. But then she’s okay. And there's this one night she waited for her sister/brother who was staying too long in the toilet. She's the one who inspired me to write this (eventually long post). Oh and she has a blog too. Cool (blog) huh? Anyway I think she likes bears so much.

THE ZAI
Next, I think she’s the most hardworking girl in my class (boys are all undeniably hardworking). She doesn’t watch tvs (but she watches drama on laptops) and she sends her brother to school every morning, despite she has no license. OMG!!!

THE SORCERER OF DAWN ALLEY
I have to say this, but you should know, the next thing in line is our drama king. He is an easy going person and good with everyone but of course he could twist your words because he is a debater. Never challenge a debater because you'll be twisted more than twisties. Oh and he's an overthinker, sometimes it made him sad.

THE LAST S...
Every tim...

待续

to be continued

Click here to see part 3: Characters, Epilogue

Days of Future Past 古代

There hasn't been one day I am not missing what had happened back then. No matter how happy I think I am now.

Sometimes we wish we could return back in time not because we regret doing things, but we regret not doing things we could have done before.

I think I have thought about this so many times already. And I never give up. People say don't live for the past, because the future is still available to be crafted, and the choice is there. The real future is is nowhere on earth.

"But you prefer the life of this world, while the Hereafter is better and eternal."
87:16-17

The Day Calm Was Gone 乡思

It's already June 2015. I don't know why time flies so fast. It has already been the second semester I'm here. Even so, this is nearing end. So many people I met along the way. Some are expected and some are totally unexpected - in a good way and also the opposite.

Friends, teachers, even some random people, I learned a lot from them. At least I get something to fill my pocket. We, if we walk the earth, we'll find so many things if we want to, if we open our eyes, because in the end it's all depend on our hearts. What we think the heart wants, might not really be what the soul needs. Could be just our 'nafs' playing around.

Lately, so many things happened. Everytime I think I might not be able to handle it, there's always someone who reminds me. I'm glad for that. Seriously.

My grandmother was infected, warded and gone operation twice, and my another grandmother was hit by a car - broke her shoulder and leg, and still warded when I am still so far from them. Sometimes it's confusing, but I'm still holding still.

Then, the refections of my heart, the image flickers. Thought was one, but four - if it's real as I thought. Very complicated, and confusing. I don't know.

But trust me, I am still holding, and I will not let go.

Things Change 变化

Things change,

nothing is ever meant to stay the same

People change,

I have changed

they said.

People change,

they turn better

or become worse.

People change,

and I don't know how.

Things are never the same.

it's either better, or worse,

or neither,

people die.

while memories remain,

because things change.

And it will never be the same again.

Jemah Pajero 朋友 - Part 1: Prologue

ANNOUNCEMENT : THIS IS PART 1 OF 3 FOR POST - JEMAH PAJERO

PROLOGUE

I should say, at this point of my life, I have been through so much. Although I know there are some other people going through something much worse, I am glad because here at this corner of life, I met these bunch of awesome people.

Enrolling in UiTM Jengka never made me thought for even once that things would turn out this crazy, like crazy-crazy. I am in a class of 30 with most of them are 2 years younger than me, and I am now the eldest. *flips hair*

So we are all in the same class for this one semester, and I am sure be it not death that’ll separate us, we will be together for all of our semesters the time to come. Then, there is this one created whatsapp group that is at first very academic, and then it became quite animated, or I could say very animated. We had this beginning when the group name started changing and it keeps changing until now.

There were times where it became as silly as possible until some started complaining and eventually, he left the group. Later we created another group for crazy things so that the earlier group became formal again. Finally everyone was in again, thanks to the administrator (who keeps adding people back).

Now lets hear this short poem;

"When the sun sets, the moon rises, the light fades, and the sky dimmed. Time  has become memory of the past..."

As time passed by, that earlier whatsapp group digressed little by little and it became crazy again. People talked about bananas, doughnuts, ghosts, what-do-you-expect, roomates, Teen Wolf, Supernatural, Running Man, Yuyukahusho, Fraser Hills, 'roti canai', Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah and pretty much all the crazy things you don’t wanna know about.

And then, it became “Jemah Pajero”.

待续

to be continued

Click here to see part 2: The Characters